One day I stumbled upon a Bear website and everything became very clear

One day I stumbled upon a Bear website and everything became very clear

by Brian Jones Davies

I was 55 and had been out for about 9 months. I'd been in a very unhappy marriage, I didn't understand why but I knew I didn't want to be intimate in any way with my wife. Then one day I stumbled upon a Bear website and everything became very clear, very fast lol. 

Thankfully my kids, while not from the get go, were fine with me being Gay. It was difficult, cos for financial reasons I still shared the house with my wife. Then she met a guy and would stay with him at weekends. 

While all this was going on, my PSA test result came back and the doctor thought I should be checked as my brother had died from Prostate Cancer when he was 62. I'd been referred to the consultant and had a biopsy done which was inconclusive, so they wanted to do another one. While this was going on is my a couple of guys, first one played me. But I didn't give up, so it got to August and my daughter had been away on holiday by herself. I thought well if she can, I'm sure I can. So I talked to her about it and she convinced me of be fine. 

So I booked 2 weeks in Gran Canaria for the following July. I then got an appointment for the second biopsy, so I had that on the Monday and it was traumatic. Please don't let this put you off getting checked for Prostate Cancer, caught early it's 100% curable. So they only manged to get half of the samples before they had to stop as I was going into shock. On the Wednesday, I got a message and started chatting with Dave. We got on really well and arranged to meet of the Friday night for a drink.

So I pulled up and he got out of his car, and I just knew something was different. We went for a meal, and it was like sitting with someone I'd known for years. I said to him, before we go any further I have to tell you, and explained about the biopsy and that I could have cancer. He said well we can deal with that together. I said about booking the holiday, he said oh is love to do something like that. I said come with me, he said he'd love to. By this time I'd known him about an hour lol. Next thing it was closing time, so we arranged to meet up the next day.... Then the Sunday. I knew that first time I saw him he was meant for me. Talking about it later on, he said he'd felt exactly the same.

Turned out I did have cancer, he came with me to see the consultant. They decided to do Brachytherapy on 20th October, so 6 weeks after we met. He took me to the hospital on the morning of the op. He stayed with me all day and was there with my daughter when I woke up. We finally got married 3 years ago, but she been inseparable for 11 years now. He is defo my medicine, I love him more than I can put into words.

We didn't get married until 3 years ago because I didn't get divorced. I took flexi retirement at 55, so I got my works pension. I'd been sending my wife half of it every month. When we went to see about the divorce it turned out that because my wife wasn't 55 she couldn't claim it in herself. So I'd get my half but she would get nothing. So I went to see my solicitor and she said there was no way of getting divorced where my ex could claim it. So I said to her, well I can't have that as it would leave her not income. I said so the only way is if we stay married and I just give her half each month. My solicitor said Brian, in all my years of doing this I've never had anyone say they would do that. It's always how can I not give them anything. I said well as far as I'm concerned she is entitled to it and I would never stop that. So I did that for 6 years, then we got the divorce done.

When we split up, we said we had to stay at least civil with each other as we would always have the 3 kids. So there would be weddings, etc. So that's what we've done. I get on with the guy she is with and she has always been really nice to Dave.

I hear these stories where families are torn apart. My greatest h fear was that I would lose contact with my kids. But it didn't happen. At our wedding my youngest son walked me in, my daughter had the ring and my eldest son signed the register.

My daughter calls Dave her other Dad.